From supermarket shelves to sacred love

by Morongoa Selepe

When I was making my bread-and-milk runs at the supermarket this week, I noticed the red, white, and pink decorations, chocolates, mugs, teddy bears, and all things heart-shaped displayed as I entered. These have been up for a few weeks, to remind us of Valentine’s Day on 14 February. I was not particularly moved by these, and that is not because I hate Valentine’s Day; I may just be indifferent to it.

I believe, though, that many people, especially grown-ups, dislike Valentine’s Day for good reason. Among the many reasons: the commercialisation of the day, it’s another day for shops to make money on things people do not need. The day may bring with it emotional pressures, and for many singles, grieving individuals and those in strained or challenging relationships, Valentine’s Day could feel exclusionary. This day can trigger feelings of rejection, loneliness, financial stress and inadequacy. When these feelings overcome us on a day when everything is meant to be about love, we must remember that God is love.

There’s so much that has been written about love, about what it is and is not. I looked up love on Google because we talk about the feelings we get from love, but it is tricky to put into words and difficult to define, and maybe we do not need to define it. We often talk about how certain things or people make us feel. Love is more than a feeling; it is sometimes described as a choice, a sacrifice and a nurturing bond.

St. Ignatius of Loyola said, “Love ought to show itself in deeds more than in words”, emphasising that true love is demonstrated through actions rather than feelings or intentions. It is not just about buying expensive gifts or inviting people on dates. For St. Ignatius, the key is in how we can show love in light of God’s love for us.

As we think about Valentine’s Day celebrations, we might want to remember a gift to ourselves and to those around us from whom we come: from God’s loving creation and imagination, as God loved us into being. Many have helped us thrive in this world by listening, attending, and acting in love and service to our desires and longings; let us remember these people. As others have shown up for us by attending to our needs, we must, in turn, show up for others, especially those we know who need us to show up by loving them in deeds and words. No matter how we define love, its power has produced in us confidence and fearlessness.

Perhaps we need to consider what it would look like to fall in love with God beyond Valentine’s Day. To recognise the depth of God’s love, to fall in love with this God whose love has no limits, really changes everything in our lives in a totally transformative way. This poem both invites and challenges us:

Nothing is more practical than
finding God, than
falling in Love
in a quite absolute, final way.
What you are in love with,
what seizes your imagination,
will affect everything.
It will decide
what will get you out of bed in the morning,
what you do with your evenings,
how you spend your weekends,
what you read,
whom you know,
what breaks your heart,
and what amazes you with joy and gratitude.
Fall in Love,
stay in love,
and it will decide everything.

— Attributed to Fr. Pedro Arrupe, S.J. (1907–1991)