A rugby fan’s sadness about the Kolisi divorce

by Simon Taylor

As a rugby fan and supporter of our Springboks and Sharks rugby team led by their inspirational captain, Siya Kolisi, I was inspired and overjoyed to see Siya Kolisi back with the Sharks having returned from playing in France. Siya scored an excellent try, and the Sharks won a close encounter with the Glasgow Warriors last Saturday at Kings Park. The mood of the crowd was passionate, joyful and happy.  

However, I woke up yesterday to hear the sad news that Siya and Rachel Kolisi are separating and divorcing. As a prominent couple, they have been a beacon of hope and success in a high-profile relationship, inspiring many with their love story and life. Their breakup brings home the reality of the high divorce rate of about 42% for first marriages in South Africa.

Their breakup will spark conversations about relationships, loyalty, and the realities of marriage with a changing attitude towards marriage, with more individuals feeling empowered to leave unhappy relationships.

In watching the Sharks game, one can apply the approach I noticed intensely: that the players turning the game around when losing require team cohesion, confidence in the abilities of fellow players, and absolute commitment to each objective. Mistakes are made when the stakes are high, but the team rallies together and provides support rather than criticism. Successes are hard-won and celebrated exuberantly.

It is pretty remarkable that this level of cohesion is achieved when the team is so diverse, with different backgrounds, races, shapes, sizes, and skills. There is apparent mutual respect among the players and recognition of their contributions toward a common goal. This is an incredible achievement and can be applied in our relationships when the going gets tough.

This raises the question of support systems for individuals going through similar experiences, whether through counselling, community, or family. The Catholic Church has the Retrouvaille Program for married couples facing challenges in their relationship. This programme helps couples of all faiths or no faith backgrounds restore their marriage and rebuild a loving relationship. The Retrouvaille Program needs to be actively promoted in all parishes and expanded to all sectors of society, given the high divorce rate in South Africa.

With all its complexities, marriage remains a central pillar of society, providing a framework for family life, social stability and individual fulfilment. The impact of divorce is notably significant and can have profound implications on family structure and welfare.

The landscape of family dynamics in South Africa is evolving, and there is a necessity for policies and programmes to support individuals and families in addressing the multifaceted challenges associated with marriage and family life.